Movie - Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express isn't a bad movie, per se. It's just that it's not a particularly fulfilling one. While many of the film's scenes are sheer genius, others become drawn-out and episodic in a not-so-good way. And I guess that that's to be expected when it comes to a story about two stoned idiots trying very hard not to get killed, but there are times when the storylines' excessive eccentricities actually work against the story itself, rather than for it. Although the first act brings some interesting themes and concepts to the viewers' mind, the plot then sort of degenerates into a crazy shoot'em'up. I mean, I'd seen the trailer and I'd known it was going to be a shoot'em'up, but the first act of the story also led me to believe that, just maybe, it would be a little more than that, too. Forget that.

For those not quite following; the film of which I speak centers around a man named Dale Denton who ends up...well, I won't quite finish that sentence because I'm far too prone to giving away spoilers. Let's just say that both him and his friendly drug dealer end up on the run from both the criminal underworld and the local police.

Insanity ensues, and it's not necessarily a bad kind of insanity either. It's just that it's the kind of insanity that doesn't really get anywhere. Think Monty Python, but without the irony and wit. You could say it all comes down to a lack of polish, but I think it goes deeper than that. Now, I can't necessarily know, but it seems almost like the writer had some kind of specific goal, but gave up halfway in favor of an obnoxious, open, and unfulfilling route. I have no particular quarrel with this movie, but I'm sure as heck not delighted with it. Moving on.

6 out of 10

Movie - Outlander

Outlander's basic premise could well be described as such: Aliens meets E.T. meets Conan the Barbarian. Or something like that. Essentially, a humanoid alien(James Caveizel) crashlands on our Earth, accidentally bringing with him the last surviving member of a race of destruction-bent beasts called the Moorwen. The real twist is that these events take place during our Iron Age, and it's up to only the main character and a group of brutal vikings to put an end to the creature.

Now that I've given you a picture of what the story is like, let me just cut to the chase. The plot structure of this film SUCKS. Big time. The pacing is pretty much horrible, and the subplot construction is even worse. If I may, I shall now illustrate my point with a tiny spoiler. In the film's introduction of the character Freya, she's shown arguing with her father because she doesn't want to marry Wulfric, who is heir to the throne. Not only is this kind of predicament totally cliched, but in the case of this story, it's also almost entirely irrelevent. The subject is not brought up at all except for in this one scene, and never again is Freya pressured to marry Wulfric. In other words, the movie introduces what should rightly be an element of conflict and antagonism, and then completely discards it.

As you may have easily surmised by this point, anyone who tells you that this movie is a deep and exciting thrill ride is lying. In this case, no amount of flashy action scenes can make up for such a horrible plot. And even the action scenes themselves are pretty bad. And I mean it. This story offers no true thrill, exhileration, or insight. I only give it such a high rating because some of the visual effects were quite impressive considering the project's relatively low budget. Still, a couple minutes of good special effects is little compensation for two whole wasted hours of one's life.

5 out of 10

Gaming - Guitar Hero: Smash Hits

All said and done, this compilation of some of the greater songs in past Guitar Hero history is not a bad game. It's loaded with a great variety of very entertaining songs to play, and features an updated version of the Music Studio that is in a few aspects superior to World Tour's.

First off, the game comes loaded with 48 songs. In the vein of the original Guitar Hero games, you complete the game gradually by beating sets of five songs at a time. When it comes down to it, it didn't take me nearly as long to burn through the setlist as it for World Tour, which featured twice as many songs. But it was pretty fun to revisit some of my more favorite songs from Guitar Hero II, as I never managed to get my own copy of the game.

Having said that, if you own the first three GH games, there's much less reason to pick up this package. Sure, Smash Hits allows you to rock out with three of your friends Rock Band-style, but let's face it; that's never been what Guitar Hero is really all about. You could be much better off opting for Guitar Hero: Metallica, or waiting for Guitar Hero V till it hits this September.

Still, overall, I myself was quite happy with my purchase.

7 out of 10

Movie - Bolt

Okay, so here's the plot synopsis: "The canine star of a fictional sci-fi/action show that believes his powers are real embarks on a cross country trek to save his co-star from a threat he believes is just as real."

But don't be fooled. Bolt isn't nearly as deep and interesting as the premise has led so many to believe. True, the first act is a lot of fun, and actually quite intriguing as well, but it all goes downhill at around the mid-act climax. Though it may proclaim itself to be different and unique, it's really just like every single other lost dog story you've ever seen, only with a few neat touches that soon lose their luster. Trust me when I say that you know exactly how this story is going to turn out.

True, it's much more consistently entertaining than Meet The Robinsons. If anything, Disney's new model of shallow, goofy fun has been proficiently refined.

7 out of 10

Movie - The Transporter

Imagine this: an ex-military man makes his living by providing the service of discrete, undercover transportation. For the right amount of money, he'll transport anything to wherever you need it, no questions asked. Things run smoothly until one day, when he notices his cargo wriggling around in the back. He opens up the bag to discover a bound and gagged woman who is struggling to get free.

An intriguing idea, isn't it? I'll never tell what happens next; I've revealed far too much of the plot already. But just know that if the structural genius of the first and second acts doesn't win you over, the incredible, nonstop action that takes place throughout the third will. It's not a perfect movie, but at the same time you can't really go wrong with it.

8 out of 10

Movie - High School Musical 3

I have something of a confession to make: I didn't actually watch the whole film; even though I had very much resolved to do so ahead of time. When it came down to it, I really just couldn't take it, and there's a reason for that. If you wanna know a good part of why, here it is: the first act of High School Musical 3(the part that I watched) shuns every cherished principle known to man in terms of storytelling, and I mean that in the worst possible way. It doesn't even bother to settle for cliches. The very first scene just sort of plops you down in the middle of a "dramatic" situation and gets characters singing. In fact, this first scene has every characteristic of an event in a story's third act. The only difference is that in this case there is no buildup, leaving viewers in a state of an utter lack of emotional engagement, but for the upbeat music pounding in the background the whole time.

My intentions of seeing the film from start to finish were further dissuaded by a complete and utter lack of antagonism. Everything was just so...happy. For the whole first act(and for all I know throughout the entire movie), nobody was at odds with one another, and no single person was frustrated or hurt. Also, there were no signs of impending doom or any such circumstances. Who wants to watch a movie in which conflict, the very essence of drama, is completely foregone?

It may have only been the first twenty minutes, but if the writer that wrote the first act of the story - in which even the most basic and self-explanatory storytelling concepts are in no way taken into account - also wrote the rest, I don't really think I'm interested.

4 out of 10